1) This blue rectangle
Mom uses this thing all the time. It makes a sound, she picks it up, and magically my daddy is transported into the blue rectangle. I can hear him speaking, but cannot see him. Sometimes, it's my Paigey that is trapped in it. Either way, I require one of these.
2) The tissue paper that is in the owl-themed gift bag
I care absolutely nothing for the gift inside this bag. I have demonstrated this several times by removing it so I can more easily access the tissue paper underneath it. Nor do I want the paper that is in any of the other gift bags. I only want the red tissue paper inside the owl bag. I want to put it in my mouth and bite small pieces off. Then I want to spit them on the floor, making Mom pick up the wet, slobbery paper pieces. This provides me with endless entertainment. Thanks in advance.
3) Access to my secret hideaway
Ever since I kind of got stuck under here, Mom and Dad have guarded the entrance like the three-headed dog guards the entrance to the underworld in Greek mythology. I would like for them to be distracted for just a couple of minutes while I make my way back into this most perfect hiding place. A couple minutes is all I'd need; I'm very fast.
4) Daddy's glasses
I love Daddy's glasses. I love the way they feel when I wrap my fingers so tightly around them. I love the way they taste. I DO NOT love when they are ripped away from me and placed out of my reach. Let's stop this crazy back-and-forth dance. If I could please just have them, I'd really appreciate it.
I do not know what they are, but there is awesome stuff on top of them all the time. Food, computers, mom's books and pens... They are magical trays of wonderful, and I must have some for my very own.
6) And speaking of Mom's books and pens...
I have recently discovered my appreciation for ancient world literature, or at least the book that contains the stories. It's so big, but the pages are so thin and ready to be crinkled. I also love to steal Mom's pen while she's not looking. Then I chew on it. I also take her notebook. Then I chew on it. If these were to just appear in my room one day, I'd know Santa got this list.
My shoes, Mom's shoes, Dad's shoes, Uncle Jacob's shoes when he's here... I don't care whose they are. They need to be mine. Again, so I can chew on them.
8) Tiny bits of burlap
Mom recently started making burlap door hangers. While they are really cute, the burlap gets everywhere. Bless her heart, she tries to vacuum it up. But it is the "craftiest" of all the fabrics, and pieces of it hide from the vacuum and await my little fingers to pick them up and rescue them from that loud, monstrous machine... Only to be captured by Mom who comes from across the room, yelling about how she just vacuumed.
9) Lucy Paige's toys
Lucy Paige's toys are far superior to my own. It does not matter that they are essentially the same things. I require Lucy's toys in addition to mine. This requirement lead me to kidnap the dolly known as "Junebug." She was almost mine, but her blasted jingling noise betrayed me and gave me away. I'd ask for my own Junebug doll, but I know it would not be the same.
10) This thing
It is springy, it bounces, and recently we all discovered that the protective white tip comes off. Guess who's not allowed to play with it anymore. If I could please have one where the tip stayed on so I could keep playing with it, that'd be awesome. We could install it in my crib.
So anyway, that about wraps it up. Now that you know all the real items I would like for Christmas, I expect my stocking to be full on Christmas day. If it is not, I will know that you tried your best but were probably thwarted by my well-meaning Mom and Dad. Oh, well. There's always next year!